For this photoblog I scrolled through my phones camera roll and picked out 8 photos I wanted to share with you today. These photos aren’t necessarily my favorite, or best capture, but they’e meaningful to me and I think you’ll like them!
Camera roll stories
Another shot at sunset:
Check out my other articles on travel and photography!
I turned 24 years old last week. Throughout the day I took some time to think about what I’m grateful for.
It occurred to me that we don’t stop enough to appreciate all the good in our lives. Sometimes it’s easier to focus on what’s missing than it is to focus on what we’re already fortunate enough to have.
Down below is a simple list of 5 things I’m grateful for.
5 reasons I’m grateful.
1. Family & Friends
Since March I’ve relied on my family and friends for just about everything. They’ve given me food, shelter, and love. I couldn’t ask for more.
I’m grateful that I have a large family and that we’ve been able to stick together even through long passages of time without talking, seeing, or hearing from one another.
Now more than ever I realize how important a solid foundation is.
My uncle has these philosophical moments.
“Enjoy it, kid!” referring to my youth
He says one day I’ll wake up and be old and what took me 5 minutes now takes 15. I’ll start saying things like,
“Oh I remember when I used to…”
I think about time and how valuable it is. I don’t want to waste these years.
I want to be young and energetic before the day comes when everything takes an extra 10 minutes to get going.
3. Good Health
I’m grateful for the fact that amid the Covid 19 pandemic my closest friends and family remain healthy.
I’m fortunate to be in the position I am where I don’t worry about my health, safety and well-being. Not everyone’s as lucky.
I wake up, breathe, eat, drink and everything works smoothly. That alone is a treasure.
Back in late February I took a flight from Pico Island to Boston where I’ve spent the last 7 months living in New England.
Even with tight travel restrictions, and initial stay-at-home orders, I spent a lot of time between Massachusetts and Rhode Island and had the opportunity to go camping at Lake George in New York.
In late June,early July I visited my brother in North Dakota for the first time. Two years passed without seeing each other! I’m just happy we made it happen and were able to celebrate 4th of July together.
I have two darling black labs at home, Lucy and Diamond. I miss them terribly.
I was thinking the other day, how much impact animals had in my life for teaching me about empathy.
They’re a perfect example of teaching a child how to play, take care of, and love unconditionally.
Without pets- be it dogs or cats or snakes or hamsters- the world would seem much greyer.
Luckily while I’m here I get to play with Eevee and my Nana’s best friend, Princess Mica.
Pictured above is my baby cousin Giannis who I felt the purest joy to meet for the first time last week.
During our visit his mom told me that he recently learned how to climb.
He tries to climb everything now. Whatever he can crawl up to, reach, push and pull his way up, he’ll go for. It was pretty damn cute watching him maneuver into the sunken living room, going up and down from the couch, and reaching over me to get to his momma’s arms. It was also equally alarming to see him trying to climb upstairs!
Being 16 months old, Giannis is completely new to life. Maybe this is silly to say but, he literally can’t stand on his own two feet and walk around yet. Giannis is trying to climb upstairs and we’re trying to make sure he doesn’t. He doesn’t understand how dangerous that is. I mean, how could he? He’s a baby. He doesn’t think, ” What are the risks involved in climbing a flight of wooden stairs and how do my chances pair up with other toddlers who’ve attempted the same?”
Baby see, baby do.
And that’s how a baby does. From my understanding at least.
Along with Giannis, the past six months I’ve had the purest joy to babysit and play with my other two little cousins, Kailee and Amelia. They’re a bit older (3 and 5 year olds.) Kailee is this little brown eyed, dark haired, mischief-in-her-voice girl who calls out my name and says, “I’m gonna getchyu!” Amelia, on the other hand, is this strawberry haired, sassy but sweet, always-changing-into-Elsa -and -Moana girl who gives me the Meet The Parents gesture and says, “I’m watching you poopyhead.”
All three of them are fucking adorable, frankly put, and I’m in awe when I see them at play. I’m in awe because there’s something pure and innocent and creative and fundamentally important to learn from them. And its hard to put a finger on because as adults, we think and observe and analyse and get wrapped up in conceptualising everything.
What can we learn from children?
As I said above, children don’t think through their decisions. They aren’t concerned with potential outcomes, risk, and opportunity cost. They’re concerned with one thing and one thing only:
Kids are 100% committed to do what they’ve set out to do. If it’s to climb the stairs, theywilltry. If it’s to swing on the monkey bars, jump into the pool, or stack block on top of block and then knock it all down with a huge hooray, they will because it is simply fun.
Where children lack foresight, adults lack presence. They live spontaneously, we live by schedule.
In contrast to children, we adults concern ourselves with various responsibilities, some more severe than others. We’re always dealing with people and complex situations that compete for our time, attention and energy. The demands of work, family and social life use up our limited resources everyday no matter how depleted we feel from the day before. Adults adhere to a schedule because we must allocate our resources to what we consider absolutely essential first. Everything else is “downtime.” Time for ourselves (hopefully) to recharge our battery.
Because of this, you see far too many adults become cynical about the world. They become angry, bitter, and self-conscious. They lock up in situations they should be loose, and suffer from social anxiety and depression. Life is void of any sense of imagination and playfulness for these types of people.
“Fun and games are for children”, I’m sure you’ve heard them say. Yet when you make a conscious effort to see the world through a child’s eyes, you can see yourself.
Children can teach us that it’s possible to reinvoke those traits we cherish but tend to lose with age. Traits like enthusiasm, curiosity, playfulness, presence, creativity, and unselfconsciousness.
We all have a Child-like Spirit
Going back to my baby cousin Giannis, seeing him try to climb those stairs without fear or hesitation made me think about all the times I let my own fears stop me from doing something. For adults it’s usually our own internal dialogue that prevents us from moving forward. We not only overthink our decisions, but also our thoughts about our decisions. We paralyse ourselves before we even begin.
If we could somehow muster up the decisiveness a child has at play, we wouldn’t spend so much time wasting time. We’d aim at a target and launch ourselves directly at it, full speed ahead. Without the anxiety that comes along with overthinking, we’d be able feel confident in our actions, not worried about how others might perceive us. The fear of failure wouldn’t even occur to us if we were too busy focusing on the task at hand.
I also think about how many times per day my little cousin Amelia changes costumes. Five, six, seven, maybe even more? One minute she’s Elsa, then she’s Moana, and the next she’s a ladybug flying all over the place. She disappears and comes back with a new dress, and in a way, a new identity. I thought about how children love to experiment and how over the years we change our demeanour, style, and language to reflect our influences and aspirations.
Kids are trying to find their way, where as adults get stuck in their ways. Some people never change because they stop experimenting. It’s like we attach ourselves to an image and ignore anything that diverges from that particular image. It could be new information that contradicts your beliefs, or dropping habits that no longer serve you, or even something like fashion that expresses individuality. Unlike children, adults become static and obstinate.
Seeing the world through a child’s eyes is not about reliving your childhood.
Seeing the world through a child’s eyes is more so about waking yourself up and enriching your everyday experiences. It’s about living with excitement and genuine curiosity. It’s about conjuring that suppressed enthusiasm you have inside and curbing self-conscious beliefs that do nothing but hinder your happiness.
Please give me feedback! That’s how I improve my craft!
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If you love traveling and your enthusiasm for foreign cultures prompts you to buy a one-way ticket, chances are you follow a certain set of unspoken rules that I call: The Avid Traveler’s Code of Conduct
Think about the decisions that led us here, to this point in our personal history where the cost of entry amounts to all the other choices left behind- every choice we ever had.
If where you are at this moment is where you’ve always been, two things: First, consider a road trip out of town for the weekend. It’ll help you get out of your own way.
Second: I know that you know, that you aren’t the same person you were just a few short years ago. Maybe you haven’t gotten out much, but I bet you know your way around the internal landscape that is your mind like a seasoned mountain guide.
It’s true some people never leave their coddled home towns. Other people never explore their labyrinth- like psyche.
Travel is not merely some privileged tourist’s vacation getaway, nor is it solely a mental trip.
It is the process in which we map uncharted landscapes, both geographical and psychological, not for trivial gain, but for evolutionary gain.
To travel is to think and act naturally. It is to do what humans have done since the dawn of time.
We travel with aim and desire, with vision and faith. We have a will and a way to our existential curiosity and inevitable evolution.
We travel because it is fundamental to the growth our species.
Photos taken on our family vacation trip to Lake George, New York July, 2020 Thank you for stopping by and scrolling through. Leave a comment and share with your friends! Make sure to check out my other blog posts
If you love traveling and your enthusiasm for foreign cultures prompts you to buy a one-way ticket, chances are you follow a certain set of unspoken rules that I call: The Avid Traveler’s Code of Conduct
“If you’re twenty-two, physically fit, hungry to learn and be better, I urge you to travel – as far and as widely as possible. Sleep on floors if you have to. Find out how other people live and eat and cook. Learn from them – wherever you go.”
If you love traveling and your enthusiasm for foreign cultures prompts you to buy a one-way ticket, chances are you follow a certain set of unspoken rules that I call,
The Avid Traveler’s Code of Conduct.
Besides governmental laws that citizens and tourists alike must follow, there isn’t a guide to how one should conduct themselves in a foreign place.
During my South American trip to Colombia I met this well-spoken hostel owner who told me that people who travel without a code of some sort tend to act like the stereotypical American tourist who, oblivious to their selfish behaviour, imposes their arrogance, ignorance and travel-magazine mentality upon the world.
None of us want to be that tourist.
Think of the following six rules I list in this article as a guide to cultural immersion.
Most of you reading this most likely already follow these rules intuitively and for those of you who don’t, I encourage you to adapt these principles before deciding to travel!
Without further ado, here are my six rules to the avid traveler’s code of conduct.
Treat others how you want to be treated
Showing respect goes without saying. When you show up at someones home or, more broadly, a foreign place, your first responsibility is to be respectful.
Right back to the basics of social interaction: Always say please and thank you.
This also means following the established rules, guidelines, and cultural norms. As long as your heart is in the right place giving respect is second nature.
We first saw this rule posted in big, vibrant colors on our elementary school’s classroom wall. It applies everywhere in life and especially as you travel to unknown places as a visitor.
Be considerate. Don’t touch what’s not yours. Use your manners. Ask if you’re not certain.
Simple enough, right?
Observe, Listen, Adapt
2. The second code of conduct for an avid traveler is to adapt to your host’s lifestyle and traditions.
This doesn’t mean to blindly follow, but instead to respect and understand a different and possibly new point of view.
This could mean waking up at the general time of whats expected, eating meals at a certain time or in a particular fashion, and following the “flow” of the household schedule.
Maybe your host practices prayer before and after a meal. Even if you aren’t religious it’s your responsibility as a guest to take part. To certain people, it would be considered highly disrespectful for someone to not follow tradition, especially in a foreign culture.
Observe how people go about their routines, practices, and traditions. Listen to what locals tell you about their beliefs and customs. And adapt to the new information you gain to make your travel experience richer and smoother.
Usually adapting simply means leaving behind your preconceived notions, which brings us to code number three:
Leave behind pre-conceived ideas about the world
3. Pre- conceived ideas and beliefs can be detrimental to your travel experience. They limit the depth of exploration.
If you go somewhere stubbornly set in your ways the chances are your trip will be limited to what you already know and are comfortable with; In that case, you should’ve stayed home in the first place.
Traveling requires an open mind. Only then can you thoroughly explore your surroundings.
Admittedly, most people who decide to travel are pre-supposed to alternative ways of being. In the light of new information open and receptive people often identify their own pre-conceived notions they weren’t aware of.
To expose and then correct a biased idea/belief is one of the many great virtues of traveling. Mark Twain is famously noted for writing,
“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.”
Be genuinely curious
4. Tagging along with code number three, an avid traveler must be genuinely curious to learn and understand.
Curiosity can take the shape of many forms and traveling is one of the best ways to express your thirst for knowledge. Perhaps you love history. What better opportunity is there to learn than being in the place of your interest? Maybe it’s your passion for food that drives you to a specific place, or something more nuanced like traditional culinary techniques.
Whatever your curiosity aims at, it is your obligation to seek out new information that broadens and deepens your overall understanding.
Additionally, as a guest in someone’s home it’s wise to get to know your host. Build a relationship with them by sitting down and engaging in conversation. You’ll find that your host will not only be a valuable resource of information, but also act as a compass directing you on your travels.
Too many people either forget or neglect to interact with the people assisting them on their trip. Remember everyone knows something you don’t so be genuinely curious to learn what they’re willing and able to teach you.
Lend a helping hand
5. A helping hand goes a long way which is why it’s absolutely vital to contribute either by helping with housework, cleaning, cooking, running errands or simply telling your stories.
However you choose to contribute, make sure you offer assistance for anything they may need.
Even if they don’t want or need your help, a gesture alone demonstrates your willingness, open personality and it’s even a good sign of your strong work ethic. People will always be willing or more reciprocative to you when you give respect, effort and an extended hand.
Speak the language
6. Our sixth and final code of conduct for the avid traveler is: Speak the language.
For travelers visiting another country, yes, you should learn the very basics of the culture’s language. At minimum learn the words for, “please,” “thank you,” and for your sake, “where is the bathroom?”
In my experience, giving a genuine effort when speaking a foreign language always wins respect from locals. You’re going to make a bunch of mistakes. But you need to try. When people see that you’re going out of your way to learn their language, despite how silly you may sound, they’ll not only teach you, but they’ll encourage you to keep learning.
For travelers visiting a place that shares a common language, this code still applies.
Language isn’t merely the words we use to represent things and actions. It’s also how we communicate using tone, body language, and social cues.
Speak the language means being agreeable or having the social awareness of someone’s possible intentions.You’re likely to come across a wide variety of personalities on your travels and it’s useful to know how to interact with people independent of where they land on that social spectrum.
It applies to bargaining prices, dealing with hustlers, meeting new people, creating opportunities, and making the best of your days with the people you’re with. This rule, which is partly a learned skill, decides whether or not your experiences are positive, immersive and novel.
So, there you have it.
Treat others how you want to be treated
Observe, listen, adapt
Leave behind pre-conceived notions about the world
Be genuinely curious
Lend a helping hand
Speak the language
What can we add to this list? I’m interested in hearing what you guys would add.
Any foreign place that evokes wonder can eventually become familiar and indifferent. On a day like today, mostly grey, storm clouds hover right outside the kitchen window and the once green hillsides appear dark and distant beyond the white mist. If I take a breath and be for but a moment that traveler’s “wanderlust” returns which makes me believe it never truly left. And although I wish I could feel what I felt the first time I saw this place, I know I cannot.
Places echo the past. They hold our memories. Our minds filter novelty with everyday experiences and what was once imbued with awe is now… regular.
To travel is to express that deep residing curiosity, and to have traveled is to be familiar with what was once unknown and otherworldly.
Until I arrive in New England there’s plenty to focus on here. Like, rediscovering appreciation, practicing gratitude, and understanding that many people- most people actually- have never laid eyes on these Islands I have the pleasure to call home.
CHAPTER 2. Books
Picking up an interesting looking book, turning over the cover and reading the first few pages is always the hardest part.
Once I’m hooked though, reading is my preferred form of entertainment and education. With fiction novels theres something fundamentally satisfying about letting the author guide your imagination into a detail-rich world and then creating a bond between you and the characters.
On the other hand, there are certain non-fiction writers who eloquently bridge the gap from ignorance to awareness & understanding in the reader’s mind. They do this in such a way that you have to re-read to fully grasp the significance of the author’s words.
In both cases, how magnificent is it to be utterly absorbed by a body of text?
CHAPTER 3. What it feels like to buy a ticket home
For every adventure I embark on I feel I must bring something back home that either summarises or symbolises my trip. That something doesn’t have to be physical, in most cases it’s not. It’s usually knowledge of some sort, a new perspective that widens my overall awareness.
Buying a ticket home means that upon my arrival I’ll be able to share what it is ive found on my most recent trip. I’ve been on Pico Island the past eight months and despite this fact I worry that I wont have the words to describe everything happening thats changing me.
When my friends and family ask, so what have you been up to these past eight months, how was it, do you have any crazy stories you can tell- how will I respond?
Many of my friends and family haven’t seen me in years. They don’t know the half of it- only what I post on Facebook and Instagram which is minimal. How do I explain what happened, who I am, my goals and objectives. Do I have to at all or will they see it in my face, hear it in my words?
Buying a ticket home means leaving the home we’ve made here.
CHAPTER 4. At the Airport.
I’m sitting at gate 1 waiting for my flight to Ponta Delgada. How am I feeling? Heavy-eyed mostly. I guess you could say I’m calm. Everything went smoothly this morning. I packed what I needed, left the rest, gave my farewells to Mom, Ray, and the pups.
During the flight I questioned whether or not the farewell I gave to mom was good enough. I mean, If mom were to die while I’m in Rhode Island would I be content with what I last said to her?
“I love you.”
Yes, I would be. but I guess it doesn’t feel like enough. I struggle with the idea that the last conversation you share with someone happens without knowing it’ll be the final time. People always say, there was so much more I wanted to say, to ask and to know, but I’ll never get the chance again… they’re gone.
I know I’ll talk to her soon, but do I actually know? I assume I’ll talk to her but what if im not able to, what if something happens between now and then?
I called three or four places and each person I talked to lead me in the right direction.
First, I needed a long-form birth certificate with an original signature from whom issued it. I went to the vital records office in Providence at Federal Hill. Within 30-45 minutes I was in and out with said certificate and directions to the Secretary of State’s office.
I brought my long-form birth certificate and that’s where they certified it with an apostille.
I spent months in the Azores trying to do this same process but to no avail. I’m excited to finally see progress!
I handed all the required documents to the Portuguese consulate and the women running things told me it was now just a matter of time for all the information to be processed.
I don’t have anything physical to show besides a few receipts. Is it too soon to call myself a dual-citizen?
CHAPTER 6. 30 Days without a phone
Without a phone I realise how draining it can be to have both the real world and digital world competing for your attention. How can one be present for the people around them if they’re constantly checking notifications, updates, messages, texts, photos, articles, news, ect?
It is not possible to give your full undivided attention to the person you’re talking with if at the same time your phone beeps and cries for your time and attention.
Without a phone I’m constantly that person whose company is occupied elsewhere, somewhere in the digital space seeking SOS from the boredom that moment to moment experience entails.
Everyone looks like and exhibits qualities of a full blown addict. The only difference is that phone usage is sociably acceptable and encouraged.
CHAPTER 7. I won’t soon forget
One day I’ll wake up and be old.
I can see it now.
CHAPTER 8. On Boredom…
Where else but here and now is the perfect place and time to practice mindful awareness?
If boredom is what fills your day then let it be the object of your meditation. Watch for the unsettling feeling as thoughts and things compete for your attention.
Will you be compelled to look at your phone, or observe that feeling in stillness?
Instead of giving into your impulses, shake their hand and try to understand them. If you’re able to sit with boredom, are you even bored? If you’re able to sit with anger or any emotion for that matter, are you it (emotion)?
What does boredom entail, what does it consist of, and how long will it last as a fleeting state of mind?
I can see no reason as to why we should succumb to boredom with such an opportunity to be present.
CHAPTER 9. March 29, 2020
I dreamt of Colombia last night. I woke up and went for a long run.
Cars lined the streets on both sides bumper to bumper. A few people were out but I couldn’t see much in front of me as the grey mist shrouded downtown. Sunday morning church bells broke the silence, birds chirping, shoes shuffling. An old-fashioned-pipe-smoking man waves me good morning.
“Good morning”, I said. Yes indeed it is a good morning.
I’m sitting inside now drinking black silk and writing under a dim light.
In trying to find time to sit in silence. I feel unearthed, unable to grasp ground with my roots. Wherever I go life is happening, wherever I go I find myself looking back at where I’ve been.
I suppose this is my silence- pen to paper- and I shouldn’t look further for solace.
CHAPTER 10. Nana’s Grocery list
Wet dog food
CHAPTER 11. Belonging
I feel like I don’t belong to any one place.
Here I am in Rhode Island thinking back to my roots. They extend from little ol’ Rehoboth to Pico Island.
All that happened is somehow with me, a recollection of events I recall in my playlists of songs. I remember a powerful sun who’s warmth I carried both in my smile and in my chest, beating to a mid- summer thunderstorm.
I would sit outside on the entrance steps watching our dog Bo sit cross-legged waiting for mom’s arrival like an honourable companion.
I think back to late September after my South-American summer. Six months passed in shadows and then there I was again walking the same shorelines I came to know so well.
Now I’m here, but so much of myself is scattered elsewhere.
CHAPTER 11. Tacks on a Map
I’m not sure what I think or believe until I either say it aloud, or write it in ink.
If nothing else, this journal is a psychological expedition into the unknown parts of my mind.
CHAPTER 12. Quarantined…
-you know you’re regressing as a person when you start eating pop-tarts in bed.
I did not expect my Spring to be spent cooped up inside waiting for Summer’s arrival and a deadly virus’s departure.
My days are spent thinking about what I should do and then doing something else entirely. Why write when I can play, why read when I can watch?
All this social media optimism pisses me off. As much as I respect and appreciate an optimistic perspective amidst a shitty situation, why can’t anyone be a realist for a second?
Yes, with new-found time we can focus on passion projects and things we usually don’t have time for, but people are dying by the thousands everyday.
And to be honest,(maybe this is pessimism) as imperfect, habit engrained, stubborn creatures we’re likely to become depressed and anxiety-ridden rather than creatively productive.
Speak for yourself, you might say.
I see you, though. For fuck-sake we are not these optimally functioning, highly productive, creative saints. We gorge ourselves with food and media. We obsess over pop-culture trends and political headlines. We want so desperately approval and confirmation from our peers that we pretend, or over-emphasise our productive behaviour.
Despite my clear frustrations, I do throw my hands up to those taking advantage of their time.
I just feel like the idea that the majority of people suddenly turned a new leaf and left their self-destructive habits behind is bogus.
CHAPTER 13. No-Man Mentality
Saying “no” to bad decisions gives you more time and energy for good decisions.
When you make a bad decision it’s usually because one of two things: lack of impulse control or bad habit. Or maybe you find it much more difficult to say no than to say yes.
Think of it in terms of opportunity cost.
Usually a bad decision has immediate and temporary benefits whereas a good decision has delayed and lasting benefits.
Thinking in terms of opportunity cost is a great way to measure your choices and therefore the value of the decisions you make.
Chapter 14. Buzzards Bay, MA
Water glistens like summer eyes. Blossoming spring, birds chirp the theme and the sound of woodwork beyond the pond centres me
CHAPTER 15. To North Dakota, I go
I have nowhere to be, no particular place to go. This is the traveler’s freedom and burden alike.
I feel content right where I am and wherever I go.
North Dakota- I didn’t think I’d be going there anytime in my forseeable future and now I’m set to stay for the summer.
I arrived in Minot, North Dakota last night after a full day of waiting in airports. Right now I’m with my brother Kegan and his wife Mariah who I haven’t seen in almost two years! I didn’t realize how much I missed them. I didn’t realize how fast these last 24 months went by. I never thought I’d go to North Dakota in my life, you know what I mean? It wasn’t exactly in my travel itinerary. Here I am though with family living life and creating moments, memories that I won’t soon forget. Oh, how could I? I do feel like I’m the middle of nowhere but I’m with my bro and that alone makes happy to be here.
I bought a flight to North Dakota with the purpose of reconnecting with my brother who I hadn’t seen in almost two years.
After basic and technical training in Texas, the Airforce assigned Kegan to the antonym of things-to-do Minot, North Dakota where if you look out into the distance all you see is land stretched out like a limber body.
I mean for miles and miles theres nothing but land.
The Great Plains is what they call it: Three-hundred-forty miles from east to west, 240 miles north to south for a total of a shit ton of nutrient-rich grasslands which farmers and migrating buffalo love(d) alike.
Here in Minot there isn’t much to do, or see for that matter especially for Airmen who request to be stationed in picturesque Colorado. Unfortunately location requests don’t hold weight when certain places have a higher need for particular jobs- that’s what my brother told me anyway.
Military Police, for example, are in much greater demand in Minot due to the nature of the base’s responsibilities which I have been reminded isclassified, though a quick google search gives the general idea.
Minot, The Magic City
Nicknamed “The Magic City” for its relatively quick expansion in a short amount of time, Minot is not what is conventionally considered “magic.”
However, that doesn’t mean the magic city doesn’t cast a charm. It does in its own rural way.
While taking a walk I followed a dirt road that lead me to fields of yellow flowers. I came back later for sunset and found myself smiling at the scenery you see here in the photo. I stayed put for a while longer. I stayed until the sunset faded into a dark twilight.
I’ve been here since June 15th and although this place is in the middle of nowhere with not much going on I can’t bring myself to complain. I’m with my brother who’s life unfolds here for the next few years and I have the opportunity to be part of it again.
On the flight from Minneapolis, the woman I sat next to told me what to expect. She didn’t tell me much. Searching for adequate words she paused, looked at me and said ” It’s a great place for peace and quiet. Definitely good for reflecting.”
She was right.
In the week or so I’ve been here my brother and his wife showed me around town. One of the first days they brought me to a Vietnamese restaurant where they served delicious shrimp pho. Afterwards we went to a game shop and stopped for coffee. On the way home they told me I just saw 75% of Minot!
Since then I’d say I’ve seen another 10% or so as we walked around Scandinavian Heritage Park. To my surprise a large percentage of the local population is from Scandinavian countries and they showcase replica buildings from that area.
Beyond that, there’s not much to it. The airforce is the largest employer in Minot so you have mostly military folk and their spouses living in a place they don’t prefer and/or plan on staying in for any amount of time longer than required.
Coming up on two weeks that I’ve been here I have had time to reflect. I’m greatful for this. I see Minot as a buffer between the first and second halves of 2020.
I know by the time I leave North Dakota I’ll be well-rested, re-focused and ready to execute the rest of my plans for this yea
A strong gust of wind lifts hundreds of wispy dandelions into open air, under the bluest of blue skies.
If only you were able to get away, start over, and live how you actually want to live.
This is what the geographical cure promises.
The geographical cure is the idea that by moving somewhere, or changing locations you can rid yourself of your problems and finally live a fulfilling life.
At the core, the idea of geographical cure deals with happiness and well-being which is why it’s worth discussing in detail. In this article I want to go over the benefits, misconceptions, and how it relates to our everyday lives.
Identify the problem before prescribing the cure
At one point or another we’ve all tried to get away from our problems, to create space in order to clear our mind and deal with them better emotionally equipped. This is the essential idea behind geographical cure and depending on the type of problem it may, or may not be beneficial.
At first glance the geographical cure seems like a logical method to problem solving:
Out of sight out of mind.
But that would like a doctor prescribing a drug without identifying the issue first. Get out of here, the doctor says, you aren’t my responsibility anymore.
There’s supposed to be a set procedure. A series of questions and tests to identify the problem. Then the doctor prescribes the correct medicine for your diagnosis.
We must know two things before trying to fix a problem:
What’s bothering you, and
Where does it originate from?
We must know what the problem is and where it originatesbefore prescribing anything.
The general rule of thumb with geographical cure is… It works if your problem’s origin isn’t internally driven.
Let me give you an example,
Jim is an alcoholic. He believes that his environment is responsible for his alcohol abuse. He complains that If he were in a new place he could reinvent himself and start anew. He wouldn’t have his group of friends and aquantiances influencing and/or urging him to drink. Without his social circle and daily routine, he thinks his alcohol problem would subside.
What Jim fails to confront is his internal struggle with substance dependancy. Instead, he passes the blame and therefore responsibility to external places and people. What Jim doesn’t understand is that no matter where he goes in the world he will always struggle if he doesn’t deal with his personal demons, so to speak.
In this example, the geographical cure is a form of escapism. In fact, Alcohol Anonymous members are warned about this concept since it’s widely common among addicts to idealize a place. As the saying goes however, “Wherever you go, there you are.” In other words, people bring their problems with them.
When, if ever, is the geographical cure beneficial?
In certain contexts I think relocating yourself is the right decision. Moving out and/or leaving a toxic, unhealthy, dangerous environment is not escapism. It’s self preservation.
Unlike someone struggling with substance dependency, a person who’s life is in danger because of their surroundings should leave. There’s no sense in taking unnecessary risk. Let’s look at another example.
Maria is married to Jim, a low-functioning alcoholic. They’ve been together for 10 years but unfortunately the last half of the decade Jim has increasingly become abusive. He wasn’t always like this. She loves the person she married all those years ago, but can’t do it anymore. He yells at her like a drunkard, curses and throws things across the room. Maria has tried to keep the marriage afloat, but nothing she does works and it’s only getting worse.
He hit her the other night after driving home drunk. Maria always gave Jim the benefit of the doubt, he’ll change his ways, but no. Not anymore. She told herself that if it ever became physical she would leave. Emotionally traumatised and genuinely afraid for her well-being, Maria packs her bags and moves to another state.
In this example, the geographical cure is a sound solution. Now, it isn’t perfect but it works. It works because Maria’s problem was Jim- an external factor rather than something internally driven like the first example.
In less extreme contexts the geographical cure can be beneficial as well. If you have a problem that’s troubling you it can help to change your surroundings. I personally like driving somewhere calm and peaceful. Wherever I can think clearly and come up with the right solution. I know that when I go back I can face whatever my problem may be.
You can see how the geographical cure entirely depends on whether or not you confront and deal with your problem.
If you go somewhere for avoidance then it would be considered escapism. Conversely if you go somewhere to clear your mind, reset and take action then it is your responsibility to do so.
Returning to the first example, If Jim felt compelled to get out of town for awhile I would argue that even though it isn’t the perfect solution- definitely not a cure- getting away might be a positive thing to do. The newness of a place evokes excitement and curiosity.
A break from the everyday norm might be what someone like Jim needs. Being in a new place allows for what psychologists call “pattern interruption” which is a technique used to change a particular behaviour.
Within that brief interruption Jim has the opportunity to see his life from an outside perspective, reflect on his toxic dependency, relationships, and life choices. An internal change can happen here as long as he doesn’t cling to the idea of geographical cure. He must understand that the newness of a place fades and old habits/ behavioural patternswill eventually reemerge.
What are misconceptions about the geographical cure?
A common misconception about geographical cure is that the beneficial effects are permanent.
In the examples above we can see how the geographical cure is not an all-in-one solution. If anything, it’s a single step in the problem-solving process. Even Maria who is better off in a different state still faces residual damage from her relationship with Jim. Although she’s safe from his abuse, she now deals with depression and emotional trauma.
For Jim, if he doesn’t take responsibility, correct his behaviour and get his shit together- for lack of a better term- then going somewhere to “reinvent” himself is foolish and delusional. Even the most serene white-sand paradise in the world can’t cure addiction. Problems must be internally resolved before reality mirrors change.
Another misconception about the geographical cure is that the further away you go the better. If you’ve read up until now (I thank you) it’s obvious that this isn’t true. I would recommend reading the article Travel Is No Cure for the Mind to understand how no matter where you go in the world, a far-off foreign country or Caribbean island, eventually you fall back into the same routine with all the same redundancies that made you move in the first place.
The geographical cure promises an all-in-one solution to our problems, but at closer examination we can see that isn’t the case.
What we realise is the fact that no matter where we are and where we go our problems are not dependant on location, but instead on our ability to resolve them.
How can you and I be happy anywhere in the world?
By not relying on somewhere out there to change our state of mind. By reflecting, identifying, and resolving our problems here and now.
This is the real cure:
Tofundamentally understand no matter where you go, here you are.
What do you guys think about the geographical cure? Do you know anyone who’s benefited from moving away or is it generally a form of escapism?
How often do we do this? Just sit and be. For the majority of us, probably not a lot. You have things to do and places to go.
But Iffor one reason or another, those things you have to do and those places you have to go suddenly disappear, how would you react?
Would you reach for your lifeline of a phone, scour through social media, binge Netflix?
What I’m asking is,
How do you deal with boredom?
It isn’t difficult to keep ourselves occupied. We have, essentially, limitless ways to entertain ourselves.
Entertainment is the antidote to boredom. Until it’s not.
I mean, think back to the last power outage you experienced. The first thing you notice are the lights going out. The second? No wifi, no internet access. You probably panicked and complained, checked and re-checked for signal, and frankly, acted like an addict without their fix.
It takes some time, doesn’t it, to sit with that uneasy feeling and accept that you are, in fact, bored.
Fuck. What am I supposed to do? I can’t do anything, I can’t go anywhere. What.the.fuck.
Even the in-between moments of the day like, for example, the commute to work or waiting in an office, or anytime you can think of when you aren’t actively doing something is filled by using your phone.
Imagine what you would do if you didn’t have a phone. What would you use to distract yourself from boredom? Maybe you’d pick up that book you’ve been meaning to read, or maybe- just maybe- you’d talk to the person next to you instead of ignoring them.
Let me set something straight, I’m not saying our phones are a negative thing nor do I believe we’re better off without them. My point is that we are unwilling and completely uncomfortable with being bored.
We will do anything and everything, jumping from one thing (or activity) to the next to not feel bored.
What if boredom isn’t some obstacle we need to overcome, but is instead the way to presence?Instead of immediately trying to distract ourselves from the feeling, why not be bored for once?
Allow boredom to be the object of your focus.
What feelings are associated with being bored? Where does your mind wander when you sit quietly? What do you think about when you aren’t actively doing something?
I think these are important answers we can gather by simply being present amongst boredom. On a psychological level, maybe you’ll be able to learn something about yourself that you didn’t know before. Maybe you’d start to recognise your impulses, thinking patterns, and motives.
Being bored isn’t an excuse to not be present. In fact presence is the antidote to boredom.
“Double exposure is caused by taking two pictures on the same piece of film.” – Fujifilm Troubleshooting
That’s the notice I received when I opened the envelope to see my developed film.
Most cameras are designed to prevent double exposure, but my Nikon one-touch 100 was not.
This past summer I brought two rolls of film with me to the Açores. It wasn’t until two weeks ago that I got them developed.
Before getting them developed, I had bought two new rolls of Fujicolor 200 that I planned on using to take pictures around Rhode Island.
At some point I mixed up the four rolls and loaded my Açores film a second time thinking it was a new roll of film.
The outcome of these photos were surprising to me. At first glance I didn’t even recognise what I was looking at.
I found an even light, turned the photos multiple ways, and looked closer to see which photos of mine merged during the development process.
Some of the images came out odd, the others I found intriguingly abstract and peculiar in a good way. I didn’t intentionally make these images, but overall I’m happy with how different they are than my normal digital photos.
After looking over the 76 photos or so, I selected these 10 Images that I want to share with you today!
Pico, Azores in July, 2019
Rhode Island in February, 2020
Although It would’ve been nice to see the original photos I took (especially from the Açores) I can’t complain with the outcome. These photos are unlike anything I’ve taken before and part of what makes me like them so much is how my two homes found a way to merge into one.
Cheers to that.
If anyones had a similar experience I’d love to hear about it! Tell me your story and whether you liked the outcome or not!
Check out some of my previous articles from New England and of course, the Açores.
I remember Rhode Island winters being unbearable with its mounds of snow, frozen windshield wipers, black-ice roads and dry-cracked lips, but since I arrived winter feels like nothing more than a chilly spring.
I put a windbreaker over a sweatshirt and keep my gloves in the left pocket just in case. Once I start moving the winter cold isn’t all that bad. Mornings and nights are the worst of course, but it’s nothing a hot cup of tea or coffee can’t remedy.
My favourite part is watching the wind take my breath after I exhale into the evening air. I know it’s such an ordinary thing, but I haven’t seen It in a while and it’s that sort of ordinariness that jogs back forgotten memories.
Finding an interesting-looking book, turning over the cover and reading the first few pages is always the hardest part. Once I’m hooked reading is my preferred method of entertainment and education.
With fiction novels theres something fundamentally satisfying about how the author guides your imagination into a detail-rich world where you feel a genuine bond with the characters and their experiences.
On the other hand there are certain non-fiction authors who bridge the gap between ignorance and awareness in such a way that youfeel compelled to re-read the text again and again to fully understand the significance.
In either case, how remarkable is it to be enticed by a good book?
I’d say it’s life changing.
That Was Then, This is Now
As a kid I didn’t gravitate towards reading.
I thought, “Why would you take the time to read a book when you could just go see the movie instead?” It made sense to me even though my mom and brother were avid readers. They’d both tell me the movies got it all wrong, they left key points out, lacked character development, and the story didn’t play out like how they imagined it in their mind. This was especially true for the action-fantasy film “Eragon.”
Growing up I loved Dr. Sues and Shel Silverstein. Anyone else remember Where The Sidewalk Ends? By the time I was eight or nine I enjoyed The Magical Tree-House series and at my Elementary School’s book faire I found “Deltora Quest” which, thinking on it now, probably ignited my love for fantasy-adventure novels.
It wasn’t until my seventh grade social studies teacher Mr. Hamilton assigned our class S.E Hilton’s coming-of-age novel “That Was Then, This is Now” that I found my love for reading. I don’t recall much of the plot at the moment, but I remember I picked up the book one weekend and I couldn’t set it down until I finished. The last few pages of that book were so emotionally powerful I was shocked at how a book could evoke something within me that I only felt watching sad movies. I had never connected to fictional characters like that before.
Tuesdays with Morrie
I was first introduced to Mitch Albom’s work by a friend’s Facebook post which quoted a page from The Time Keeper.
“Try to imagine a life without timekeeping. You probably can’t. You know the month, the year, the day of the week. There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie. Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check its watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays. Man alone measures time. Man alone chimes the hour. And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures. A fear of time running out.”
When I first read that quote I connected with it instantly. I felt as If time froze and in that moment I was able to look at society in a way I hadn’t before. Albom’s words were true. Everyone’s always pressed for time, running their life on a tight schedule, counting the minutes, the hours, the days, weeks, months and years. I mean, it seemed to me that timekeeping was the crux of human suffering.
Initially this observation frustrated me. I felt trapped by society, and like any naive teenager who hasn’t considered the virtues of timekeeping, I rebelled against the machine and swore I would never work the status quo 9-5 desk job and end up like all the other cogs. Above all, I was curious to know and understand more about how society functioned.
The first book I fully read by Mitch Albom was The Five People You Meet In Heaven. That book was simple yet philosophical. It lead me to pick up Tuesdays With Morrie from my local library. I enjoyed both his easy-to-read style, and also his willingness to write about intimidating topics like life, death, illness, regret, dreams and so forth.
Tuesdays With Morrie follows a young Mitch Albom reconnecting with his old sociology professor Morrie Swartz, who’s dying of ALS. The whole book is essentially heart-to-heart conversations they shared during their weekly visits. After every chapter I could look at my own life and relationships and determine what I needed to fix or improve. It was if I was there in the room with the two of them partaking in their conversations.
The Way of Zen
Alan Watts became a huge influence on my life & philosophy. Before I read any of his books I came across a Youtube video called What Do You Desire?
What do I desire? What is that I want above all else in life? I thought it was a worthy question to pursue and as a teenager I felt pressured to want what everyone else supposedly wanted. I needed to first figure out who I was and one of the ways of doing that was to ask these deeply personal questions that Alan Watts presented in his writings and lectures.
After high school I found myself on a quest of self discovery. I was looking for transcendental answers for my lack of identity and purpose. I didn’t know who I was or what meaning my life had until I started digging into my up-bringing, my values, beliefs, experiences and interpretation of those experiences.
When I first read “The Way of Zen” I felt as if Watts expressed exactly what I felt, but couldn’t articulate. Every page seemed to turn itself and the only time I stopped was to re-read and check to make sure I understood the text’s entirety. His writings introduced me to schools of thought from eastern philosophy without it relating to religious dogma. He wanted to translate Zen Buddhism to the western world to demonstrate how much closer akin it was to psychotherapy than it was to religion.
Alan Watt’s On The Taboo of Knowing Who You Are and The Way of Zen acted as a reference point. His teachings and translations had a profound impact on my life and I recommend him to anyone seeking to learn more about themselves and practical wisdom to live a happier life.
The Doors of Perception
You may know Alduous Huxley from his scholastic book A Brave New World, but I stumbled upon him through my research on altered states of consciousness. The Doors of Perception details Huxley’s experience under the influence of mescaline where he entered “that magical place where every pebble is a precious stone.”
At the time I was interested in learning more about both the benefits and dangers of psychedelic drugs and most authors with a similar interest almost always refer back to this book. Huxley was interested in knowing from the inside what was meant by the visionary experience described innumerable times by mystics, religious groups, and artists across the board. Like Watts, Huxley articulated what I experienced but wasn’t able to clearly process in verbal/written form.
What I related to most about Huxley’s account was his emphasis on the significance of ordinary things. His attention shifted from being concerned with time and place to complete dedication to being and meaning. “Visual impressions are greatly intensified and the eye recovered some of the perceptual innocence of childhood, when the sensum was not immediately and automatically subordinated to the concept.”
Towards the end of the book, Huxley now writing about the history of visionary experience in religion and art, details how throughout time there have been users of psychedelics who experienced the complete opposite of bliss. A spiral into madness- a glimpse into the mind of a schizophrenic in full-blown psychosis. I was finding all these positive, life changing anecdotes online, but no one talked about the other side which was just as real, just as powerful, and just as transformative.
Memories, Reflections, Dreams
“Through my work with the patients I realized paranoid ideas and hallucinations contain a germ of meaning. A personality, a life history, a pattern of hopes and desires lie behind the psychosis. The fault is ours if we do not understand them… At bottom we discover nothing new and unknown in the mentally ill; rather we encounter the substratum of our own natures.”
Carl Jung is considered to be the father of analytical psychology. I always heard about him but never took the time to read any of his work until I picked up Memories, Reflections, Dreams. What I love most about this book is how insightful it is about his internal world. It’s divided into chronological order starting from the chapter “First Years” where he recollects his first memories of childhood, to “Late Thoughts” and “Retrospect” where he looks back at his life.
Apparently he continued to work on the final stages of the manuscript until shortly before his death on June 6,1961. What he laid out in the field of psychotherapy and psychiatry is the groundwork from which modern scientists build and extend off. When reading his book Memories, Reflections, Dreams I could relate to his observations despite having completely different experiences than him.
Part of what attracts me to Jung’s writing is his complete dedication to unraveling the unconscious self by identifying cross-cultural archetypes and myths we all live by. In doing so, he sheds light on truths that we never thought about questioning, or examining within our own lives. Jung’s writing has transformative qualities and although I’ve only read one book out of 15 I’ve already noticed a change in how I interpret the world around me.
The more I read the deeper I dive into unknown parts of myself…which is both exciting and terrifying.
As I was reading through my journal entries from early 2019 it was clear to me that I still face many of the same obstacles today as I did then. I felt demoralized by the fact that, one, I didn’t accomplish everything I originally set out to do, two, I didn’t kick my self-depreciating habits and tendencies and, three, If I’m not able to do what I say I’m gonna do then how can I expect 2020 to be any different?
The more I read the more I doubted myself. Have I not made any progress this year? I mean, surely I have, but there’s so much more to do, so much more to improve on and change.
Do any of you ever feel like that? Like the goals you want to complete, the places you want to travel, the person you want to become is so far out of reach that even achieving some of your goals is insufficient? I know I’m not the only one, but it sure does feel like that at times.
For example, In various entries I wrote about never succumbing to procrastination again. Yet again and again I succumbed. In the beginning of January I wrote, ” What I dislike most are my negative tendencies to procrastinate and consume. They’re behaviours that don’t bring any value to my life. If anything they depreciate and prevent who I am from evolving into a greater me- a better me; Someone who not only recognises their potential, but who acts on it. I want my days to be filled with consistent action. Focused and purposeful action. I don’t want to waste time being an inferior version of myself.”
I swore to resist that ugly-artist characteristic which Marcus Aurelius described in Meditations as, failure to answer the call of your nature.
Aurelius wrote, “At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: “I have to go to work — as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for — the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm? So you were born to feel “nice”? Instead of doing things and experiencing them? Don’t you see the plants, the birds, the ants and spiders and bees going about their individual tasks, putting the world in order, as best they can? And you’re not willing to do your job as a human being? Why aren’t you running to do what your nature demands?”
Reflecting on 2019
This past year brought me an abundance of happiness and love. I hold onto that gift closely. It also showed me all the areas I excel at and all the areas I need to improve. In a way this year revealed me to myself and for that I’m grateful and humbled alike.
For one, I reconnected with a friend from work who over time completely exceeded my expectations and reminded me how we should neither expect nor doubt. She shared her sorrows, insecurities, and pet-peeves. She shared her experiences, perspectives, and emotions. She gave me companionship, love, and asked for nothing in return though I was always happy to reciprocate.
A large part of this year like every year revolved around family. My sister taught me more about mental fortitude than I care to admit. She taught me about patience, compassion, and unconditional love. My mom demonstrated the virtues of tolerance and empathy. She taught me about forgiveness and the importance of strong roots. My dad practices was he preaches. He taught me consistency, visualisation, and the art of re-framing bad situations into good ones.
Despite feeling under-achieved this year, life isn’t just about success. It’s more so about the setbacks, the challenges, the obstacles we have to overcome. To me, success means nothing if there isn’t a back and forth struggle to get there. If anything I’m aware what I need to work on in 2020 because of my setbacks, not despite them.
Another challenge I faced (still face) this year that I’m committed to working on in 2020 is my depression. I admit calling depression a “challenge” is devious, however I like to think a mental illness is conquerable with the right combination of help. It’s an extremely personal thing and trying to articulate my thoughts about it in a detached way is difficult. My last article, Coming Face to Face with Emotional Pain, was an attempt at both distancing myself and giving the best advice I could to anyone struggling with depression.
What I’ve noticed about depression is how anytime I fight against the grain I usually feel better with time. For example, sometimes I need to force myself to be social because I usually tend to stray away from people, however when I put myself into a social situation I almost always feel better afterwards. The same dynamic applies to getting up in the morning, working, exercising, writing.
There are days and sometimes consecutive days where I just feel burnt out, meaningless, and exhausted. My plan is to prevent my overall “downtime.” The less downtime I have, the happier I am. Going back to the journal entry I shared with you guys above, if I fill my days with consistent, purposeful actions it should reduce my overall symptoms. One thing a psychologist recommended to me was to keep focusing on physical exercise since I love it and it’s proven to be a highly effective anti-depressant. Going to the gym daily will be a core habit that fosters all the benefits and positive characteristics I need and want.
Travel plans and becoming a Portuguese citizen
One of my primary goals for 2019 was to travel to Portugal.
I’m writing this from my home in the Azores which is an autonomous region of Portugal. So did I accomplish it? Well, partly.
Although I really had my eyes on the mainland– specifically Porto. My plan was to get my dual-citizenship, move to Porto, start working at either a hostel or restaurant while continuing to pursue photography and freelance writing.
My plan wasn’t super specific, I’ll be the first to admit it. And maybe that played a role in it not coming to fruition, however the first part, to get my dual-citizenship, was a much more tedious process than I expected it to be. As of today I booked my ticket back to the States where I can get all the necessary documents, stamps, translations and information to further the process along. The first half of 2020 is dedicated to becoming a Portuguese citizen so that when I do travel to Portugal in the second half of the year, I won’t have to worry about renewing my visa, or working under the table.
Acquiring my dual-citizenship is also part of a larger goal. Being a Portuguese citizen will allow me to travel through Europe with freedom of movement. By no means am I in a rush to see all of Europe, but with a Portuguese passport I’ll have the ability to travel as I please without worrying about a return date. Eventually when the time is right, I can branch out and immerse myself in new cultures.
Welcoming 2020 with open arms
While writing this blog post I realised I left out a fundamental part. Every new year– actually every day– theres an opportunity to improve yourself. Not by achieving personal goals, but by helping those in need. A simple act of kindness to a friend, loved one or random stranger has an impact we can’t quite quantify. Sometimes the greatest reward has nothing to do with how much you achieve, rather how much of yourself you give.
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service others.”
Looking back at what I wrote in the beginning, I really should not be demoralized or feel under-achieved. I think part of the problem is that I try to measure my self-worth with achievements. At the end of the day the only thing that truly matters are my good deeds, how I communicate and care for others, the love and support I give. This is the true measure of self and happiness.
To those of you still reading, I thank you. Give more than you have to give this year. Try when you don’t want to try. Think of what a gift it is to be alive. It’ll be a year to remember.
How do we heal (and ultimately grow) from the emotional pain in our lives?
Emotional and psychological pain is as much part of the human condition as happiness and glee. Life is the great tragedy haven’t you heard? And on the tail end of that tragedy a person must come to terms with the pain they suffer, or suffer further still, holding onto past events.
Nobody (but a poet) ever said, ‘I wish I could feel this pain for the rest of my years’ and yet the sad reality for many people is that they carry emotional trauma with them late into life. With what we currently know about mental well-being, in addition to all the literature on self-development, spirituality and philosophy, you would think there would be enough helpful/practical information to prevent pain all together, but needless to say there isn’t.
I wish tragedy was something we could fully recover from, but the truth is we’ll never again be the person we were before the series of unfortunate events unfolded. This isn’t necessarily a negative thing as long as we eventually come face to face with our pain instead of masking our pain.
Coming face to face with emotional pain isn’t easy. Confrontation is what we try to avoid by drinking alcohol, taking drugs, gambling, compulsive behaviours around food, technology/media, sex, and other stimuli. We glutton in pleasure to avoid feeling our pain. This is what I call masking emotional pain. Instead of feeling what we truly feel, we distract ourselves with a temporary sense of satisfaction in order to trick ourselves into believing that everything is ok when, infact, everything is not.
If you think about it, masking emotional pain is a natural defensive mechanism the self-preserving psyche uses to minimalize pain. However, what ends up happening is that our actions become habits and what started out as just one or two beers becomes beer after beer, cigarette after cigarette until our whole life-style is based around consumption for pleasure and or numbness. We all have our specific crutch we use to relieve the stress in our lives. Your job is to identify it and observe your behaviour around it.
Identifying your crutch shouldn’t be a difficult process. It helps to imagine yourself from a third-person perspective. If you could watch yourself from a birds-eye view, would you be happy based on how you deal with emotional pain, stress, problems in your life? Have you adopted a negative habit(s) to cope with these problems? What are they? Write them down.
Habits are difficult to kick which is why when trying to change them we should focus on one at a time. If we overwhelm ourselves by trying to kick two or three simultaneously, it’s likely that we’ll relapse and have to start our progress over. For the best result, focus on the one habit that you feel consumes most of your time and energy, that’s most detrimental to your well-being. It’s more than likely that once you change your worst habit the others will whither and auto-correct themselves.
The solution you came here for
Practicing new and healthy habits is going to allow us to better cope with emotional pain. It does not fix or make disappear the emotional trauma. Instead, we work through the trauma by confronting it and experiencing it directly, without a substance or dopamine-dependent behaviour to alleviate it in any way. An impactful life-style change is not a miracle drug, it is a commitment to self-empowerment and responsibility.
It seems counter-intuitive to bring emotional pain to the surface of your conscious awareness when it’s easier to just numb yourself, but how long can you go being unhappy? Happiness is the essence we’re discussing here and allowing your internal pain to surface is a sign you’re ready to begin healing.
Healing from emotional pain demands a life-long dedication to three things: problem solving, the truth and well-being. Anything that subtracts away from finding a solution to understanding why we feel the way we feel, and psychological/emotional stability must be identified and cut out of our lives immediately.
It starts with you. Don’t take the easy way out and spend your life side-lining confrontation, feeling sorry for yourself, and avoiding personal transformation. Look at yourself in the mirror and ask what type of person you want to be. You know you’re strong inside, you’ve been through so much. Now pull through and realise It yourself.